I Not Stupid

Hehe…this post has nothing to do with the 2002 Singaporean movie of the same title. It just that I don’t know what title to put, so I settle with this one.

Okay, I was supposed to join the thousands of hopeful nationwide to sit for one ujian bertulis last Saturday, but I didn’t. Yes, it is the preliminary screening test for the position of Pegawai Tadbir & Diplomatik that I am talking about.

When I got the notification from SPA, I was pretty eager to sit for it. It was my second call. I turned down the first because the timing is wrong. It coincided with the wedding of a dear friend. There will be another test, but there won’t be another wedding for my friend. So, I deliberately missed it.

After 6 months of waiting, another opportunity arrived. I was happy. Hubby was very supportive. Friends were happy for me too. I know, I know….it was only a test, nothing to brag about. There are two more interviews to go before you secured the job, not to mention training lagi. But passing this test would certainly bring me one step closer to serve in public sector.

At the last minute, I had a sudden change of heart. The eagerness, the thrilled feeling was all gone. I no longer looked forward for the test. In fact, I was dead sure that I wouldn’t be attending it. * sigh * What was wrong with me?? Finally, I got a second chance yet I blew it ??!

Some might say, it was such a waste; while others might say it was stupid of me. But, I have my own reason. I am perfectly aware that this job (IF I get it) will definitely need me to re-locate. (Hmm…funny, I didn’t think of that when I applied for it. ) The closest is probably Putrajaya. I don’t want to think about the farthest…*smile *

Re-location is what bothers me the most. Sure, I can bring along the whole family to the new place. Hubby is ok with it; while daughter is still too young to voice out her opinion. She’ll go wherever her parents go. * smile*

My real concern is my elderly mom. I don’t think she is willing to re-locate, no matter what. Hehe…I won’t even dream to pop her the question. I can imagine the fore-coming lecture, plus all the emotion. That is too much to bear * wink *.

Leaving mom behind is definitely out of the question. As a child, taking care of our elderly parents is our responsibility. If we have siblings, then we can share the responsibility. But being an only child, I am all she got to look after her since my dad passed away 14 years ago. Don’t get me wrong ya, I don’t have any complain about this responsibility nor do I see it as a burden.

I am only saying that it is why I am reluctant to apply for jobs that involve a great possibility of re-locating. That is also why I don’t apply for the on-going KPLI intake. If there is a guarantee that I’ll get to teach in school in KK area, I’ll be the first to apply for KPLI. Hahaha…I know, that will never happen.

So, why should I bother to go through all the trouble only to turn it down in the end? It will be better to make way for those who deserve it and want it. * smile* I have no regrets over the chances I missed.

Wah, it turn-out to be quite a lengthy post pulak. Hope it didn’t bore you. :)

Read More......

Ouch! It hurts...

Spent the whole weekend at home, having quality time with daughter. I patiently layan all her antics which include playing with her toy piano, running around, supervising her at the stairs, stopping her from grabbing the cat’s tail etc. It’s tiring especially the carrying her around, all 10kg…*sigh * Hopefully I burned some calories along the way…LOL. A look at her happy face and a flash of her magic smile make the tiredness go away. I guess, this is the factors that make a mother can endure all the pain and suffering…some time beyond our imagination.

Okay, back on track. While having happy-happy time, out of a sudden daughter started biting my left shoulder. Ouch! Told her politely to stop doing so bcos it hurts…she gave me that innocent smile and stopped but only for a while. Then the second, third and few more bites follows…she didn’t stop despite my warning until I left her alone at the couch. Said I’m going away bcos daughter don’t want her mommy anymore that she began to cry and scrambled down the couch to get her mommy. Ah…this tactic always work…after that no more bites.. but she refused to be put down lah pulak…afraid mommy’ll leave her. Aiyaa…* a slap on the forehead *

Biting is often associated with tooth coming out, making the gum all itchy. This is most probably what daughter going through right now since her saliva is drooling like tap water again. But in the same time, I’m afraid the biting will become a habit. She often bites her grandma on the arms and shoulders as well. Kesian her grandma…since she is diabetic, the bite marks will turn into bruise and takes a few days or sometime a week long before it disappear. Forget the teeter, daughter's interest in it has long gone.

So, all the experienced mommy or daddy out there…got any useful tips on how to curb the biting and/or clingy problem? Please share them. Me, trying to curb it at an early age bcos bad habit die hard.

Read More......

Before I Was A Mom

Came across this poem while browsing the Net, it really touches the motherly heart of mine. I can soooo relate to this…being a first time mommy myself.

Before I was a Mom I made and ate hot meals.

I had unstained clothing.

I had quiet conversations on the phone.

Before I was a Mom I slept as late as I wanted.

And never worried about how late I got into bed.

I brushed my hair and my teeth everyday.

Before I was Mom I cleaned my house each day.

I never tripped over toys or forgot words to lullabies.

Before I was a Mom I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.

I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom I had never been puked on, pooped on, spit on, peed on, or pinched by tiny fingers.

Before I was a Mom I had complete control of my mind, my thoughts, my body and all my feelings.

I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom I never held down a screaming child

so that doctors could do tests or give shots.

I never looked into teary eyes and cried.

I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.

I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put it down.

I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt.

I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.

I never knew that I could love someone so much.

I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.

I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.

I didn't know that bond between a Mother and her child.

I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important.

Before I was a Mom I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was OK.

I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache or the satisfaction of being a Mom.

I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much.....

.......before I was a Mom....

~Author Unknown~

Read More......